Top 10 Best And Worst Shark Films

The date was June 20th, 1975, when milestone film Jaws made a splash in the entertainment business. Steven Spielberg’s larger than life movie dragged audiences from their seats into the depths of the ocean for the thrill ride of their lives. The movie profoundly affected our desire to stay away from beaches, and revolutionized Hollywood films, by producing the first ever blockbuster hit. Today’s list is dedicated to the legacy Jaws spawned. We’re honoring the best, and worst, shark movies in different categories.

10

Best Special Effects

Deep Blue Sea

It should be no surprise that the most expensive film on this list had the greatest special effects. The mako sharks looked authentic thanks to director Renny Harlin’s intelligent use of both animatronics and CGI. Their proportions weren’t too exaggerated, their movements were fluid and their skin had a rubbery, realistic appearance. Additionally, the action sequences were choreographed smoothly, so the explosions, the flooding of the lab (which will scar claustrophobics) and the encounters with the sharks were each epic and distinct, without being repetitive and overtly cliche. Deep Blue Sea was a surprise hit for shark fans and stands as the second best shark movie out there.

Interesting Fact: Makos are one of the few shark species in which cases of embryophagy has been recorded. This means that, in the womb, the strongest embryo will consume its brothers and sisters. This form of cannibalism is meant to give the reigning embryo enough food and nutrients needed until it’s born. Yikes.

9

Worst Special Effects

Jaws 3-D

The promise of 3-D is good, right? Wrong! Jaws 3-D decided to revisit the classic tale, and beat the dead horse even more, or in this case, the dead shark. Our favorite giant killer was reduced to cheap, formulaic shots, giving the impression that very little effort was put into its creation. He’s left looking like a submarine (even more so than the actual submarine in the film), eliminating all chances for it to look realistic; it’s a three foot robotic tank that glides. Furthermore, the film was comprised of many opening and closing mouth clips, plumes of red water and countless tired, mechanical movements. The production crew behind this film relied far too much on the superficial satisfaction of 3-D graphics, thus further blemishing the good name of Jaws. This movie were insulting to audiences and sharks alike.

Honorable Mention: Megalodon. Almost the entire movie is CGI and it’s far from any worthwhile special effects.

8

Best Plot

12 Days of Terror

This is cheating but hear me out first. 12 Days of Terror was a docudrama, released by the Discovery Channel, which focused on the true events that happened along the New Jersey shore in 1916. People were subjected to twelve days of (you guessed it) terror, as there appeared to be a man-eating shark in the river. Four swimmers were mauled to death and a fifth was seriously injured, reaching national headlines by the third week and capturing the attention of audiences everywhere with this unfounded news. That leaves 12 Days of Terror with the best plot. It’s simple, it’s real and it had a chilling mystery (the species of the killer[s] was never scientifically verified).

Interesting Fact: Such an event was unheard of up to this incident. People began to fear sharks as dangerous man-eaters, creating a panic that resulted in full-scale shark hunting parties. This event also inspired Peter Benchley to write the novel aptly titled Jaws.

7

Worst Plot

Raging Sharks

Two alien spaceships collide with one another, causing a generator aboard one of the ships to fall into the Bermuda Triangle. The device was powered by space crystals, which produce a negative effect on the sharks, awakening their killer instincts and driving them mad. The sharks attack an underwater research lab, cutting out the power and oxygen. The Navy sends specialists to rescue the people trapped inside, only to discover a black-ops team within the lab that have their own secret agenda.

Did that confuse you as soon as the aliens were mentioned? Raging Shark’s plot was contrived, cheesy, predictable, awkward and just plain ridiculous.

Honorable Mention: Blood Surf – athletes, looking for the latest extreme sport, cut themselves before surfing in shark infested waters to entice the vicious creatures to chase them. Little do they realize the real killer in the water is a man-eating crocodile. You’re promised sharks and get a reptile instead. Total bummer, dude.

6

Best Shark Sequel

Jaws 2

Jaws 2 didn’t surpass the quality and suspense of its predecessor, but in comparison with other shark sequels, it’s the best. Director Jeannot Szwarc returned with the original film’s protagonist, Martin Brody, to further explore the waters of Amity Island. There’s blood, there’s brutal deaths and plenty of shark footage to boot. Certainly not as well rated, Jaws 2 didn’t meet the expectations of audiences, but provided enough of a mediocre thrill that it was moderately satisfying.

Interesting Fact: If confronted with a shark, remember these tips. Do not to flail around; instead swim rhythmically. Keep them in your sight and pretend you’re ready to fight (most sharks will avoid prey that appear as if they’re able to attack). Be sure to stay calm. Panicking will frighten the shark and make you look vulnerable, a combination that would be fatal. And if it does attack, fight back. Use any object with you and aim for its eyes and gills.

5

Worst Shark Sequel

Jaws 4: The Revenge

Jaws 4: The Revenge is the worst shark sequel for three reasons. The first pertains to the “revenge” this movie is named after. Protagonist Ellen Brody, now a widow, believes the great white in the water has a vendetta against her family. This point she’s certain of when she leaves Amity Island and travels to the Bahamas, only to find the shark has followed her. Now correct me if I’m wrong but didn’t the shark die in the first, second and third films? So what vendetta would this shark have against the Brody family?

The second reason is the climatic ending. Ellen is out on a boat, ready to confront the beast. As the shark swims toward her, she begins to have flashbacks of the iconic scene from the original film when her husband valiantly shot the tank in the shark’s mouth and saved the day. She remembers this vividly, even though she wasn’t there when it happened. The beauty of the scene, however, is the moment the Jaws 4 shark jumps out of the water, only to be harpooned and then explodes… for no reason. No tank of gas. No explosives. No electrical wiring. The shark explodes because it was stabbed.

The final reason is perhaps the most simple of details but a big one nonetheless. The shark roars with a T-Rex-like growl but sharks don’t have vocal cords. You do the math. This was a terrible film and an even more awful ending to the Jaws legacy.

Honorable Mention: Shark Attack 2 – the sharks growl like lions. Enough said.

4

Most Likely to Happen

Open Water

Two people, out with a scuba diving group, are left behind when the crew fails to do a proper headcount. The couple is stranded out in the ocean with no signs of land in any direction. They soon realize that they aren’t alone. Surrounding them, both jellyfish and sharks inhabit the area. They are left with few options as they struggle to survive the harsh open waters.

In real life, the people in charge of scuba diving trips and tours are very careful, taking every precaution to prevent situations as the one described above from happening. That being said, being stranded in the middle of the ocean is not unheard of, and it is speculated that this movie is based on the real life disappearance of Tom and Eileen Longergan, in similar circumstances, while diving the Great Barrier Reef. Out of all the shark movies, this circumstance has the highest probability, unless aliens start dropping crystals in the Bermuda Triangle or sharks explode randomly.

Interesting Fact: Tiger and bull sharks are ranked as the most dangerous predators. Both species have indiscriminate tastes and are known to hunt along the surface and shores. Not to mention both these sharks are naturally curious about all moving objects.

3

Least Likely to Happen

Mega Shark Versus Giant Octopus

A megalodon and giant octopus find themselves frozen in the midst of an colossal battle, back when the Earth was still young. The two giants remain frozen until the present age, when the results of global warming thaw them out and unleash them back into the waters. The megalodon and giant octopus wreak havoc across the globe, attacking bridges, drilling platforms and even jets. Scientists decide the only way to defeat these beasts is by pitting them against each other, in one final epic battle.

Debunking this movie is simple: sharks back out of fights if their opponent appears capable of defending itself and octopodes avoid fights altogether by use of camouflage. Sorry, folks. We’ll never see a battle of this monstrous proportion in real life.

Honorable Mention: Hammerhead – a devastated scientist implants hammerhead shark DNA into his son to keep him alive after he’s diagnosed with cancer. The DNA turns him into a horrible beast that attacks- actually, there’s no need to go on because that tells you enough already.

2

Greatest

Jaws

What other shark movie had you lifting your feet off the ground in the movie theater? Which one made you nervous to take a shower? What film changed the audience viewing experience forever? Jaws is, and always will be, the best shark story ever told. This classic had it all: the cast were each three-dimensional, the effects were impressive, the plot was original, it was scary, heartbreaking, thrilling and eye-opening all at once. Jaws accomplished what no other shark film has been able to do since its debut.

Interesting Fact: The famous animatronic shark was named Bruce, after Steven Spielberg’s lawyer. It was also referred to as the Great White Turd and Flaws, for the many times it broke down. Bruce now tours museums, while Bruce II can be found at Universal theme parks, in the backlot tram ride.

1

Worst

Shark Attack 3 – Megalodon

Think of everything that was great from Jaws and then picture the exact opposite, all compiled into one movie; that’s Shark Attack 3 in a nutshell. The acting was horrendous, leaving characters bland and unrealistic. The effects were lazy, resulting in laughable footage, rather than bone-chilling and iconic moments. And the plot has been seen hundreds of times before. There’s nothing new, exciting or worthwhile in this film. Why it was even made is the biggest concern you’d be left with after viewing this mocking shark movie.

Honorable Mention: Sharks in Venice. Think of it as Snakes on a Plane, except with sharks and in Venice.

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Top 10 Murderers You Secretly Love

WARNING: spoilers. Murder is bad, wicked, evil. Most people would agree that it’s the very worst thing a human-being can do. We condemn murderers in the press, but at the same time we obsess over knowing every tiny detail. We want to know why, where, who, how: how they did it, how they became so alienated from regular functioning society, how they feel after. There’s an obsession with murder and murderers that mirrors our obsession with celebrities.

Below I have collected the top ten movies that had murderers who were sick, vile and twisted, yes, but also endearing. Murderers who we rooted for to live past the end of the movie, escape or beat the lame hero. Whether it was their charisma, the redemption they found, revenge, the message implicit in the murders or the reasons behind them, these ten murderers (all men), while we might not invite them over for dinner with our family (except for possibly # 7), all have a special place in our hearts.

Note: There are only two qualifications. The movie has to have been made in the last twenty years (since 1990), and the person in the movie has to have killed more than one person (whether on screen or implied in the time-frame of the movie).

10

Patrick Bateman

American Psycho

Bateman is a unique psychopathic serial killer. He’s unbelievably handsome, fit, rich, narcissistic, and he listens to Phil Collins. The shallow, ornamental, material-based society Bateman inhabits is starting to drive him insane. The creepy, self-narrated scenes where Bateman describes his mind unraveling, while he’s doing 2,000 + sit-ups, lying in a tanning bed, or putting on kiwi facial masks more expensive than most people’s cars, are beyond disturbing.

The reason Bateman is on this list, beyond being a nerdy, yuppie serial killer, which admittedly is kind of cool, is that somehow,at some point in the movie, we begin to feel sorry for this shallow, egotistical monster, who has everything we could ever dream of.

Because, as the audience, we are given access to the lives of these rich-boy yuppies we see that their internal lives are empty. Everything’s an ornament: business cards and attractive blonde fiancés are just won to compare with the business cards and attractive blonde fiancés of other yuppies. We see that, maybe, climbing and spending lead only to more climbing and spending. Bateman’s character only evokes pity. While he does have a certain unique sense of cool, ultimately we just feel sorry for the poor demented bastard.

During one of the final scenes of the movie, where Bateman sobbingly confesses to his lawyer on the phone, (“I guess I’ve killed twenty people….maybe forty” “I ate some of their brains, and I tried to cook a little.”) we feel how scared he really is—for his sanity, for his freedom, for being revealed for who he really is. This is how Dostoevsky portrayed a person who has just committed murder in Crime and Punishment—scared, guilty, ashamed, alone, and I imagine this is how it really feels.

From the final monologue of the movie: “There is no catharsis. My punishment continues to elude me. And I gain no deeper knowledge of myself. No new knowledge can be extracted from my telling. This confession has meant nothing.”

Note: I know some of you will say that the murders never even occurred—that it was all in Bateman’s head. But you’re wrong. You’re dead wrong.

9

Willis, Jackson, Rhames

Pulp Fiction

One of Quentin Tarantino’s greatest strengths is his ability to combine the ultra-violent with the everyday. This is why Pulp Fiction was so original and accessible to almost everyone who watched it. There’s murder and violence and obscenities, but there’s also Seinfeldish discussions about the most mundane topics. That these hit men might talk about the same things we talk about with our friends is surreal, and just really freaking cool. Not to mention that all the characters above are all three-dimensional and accessible. They’re bad people, but they’re not just bad people. They can be charming and worrisome and kind people, as well. Tarantino makes them human.

All three of these guys are ultimate bad-asses. They take crap from absolutely no one. Ving Rhames and Bruce Willis’s characters get the nod for their scene in that awful pawn shop together, where they were about to murder each other and instead bond with a shared decency and the disgust they both have for sexual deviants. As much as they might dislike each other—they respect each other. They might be killers, but they’re not perverted sickos.

Samuel L. Jackson gets the nod for the redemption he found. He feels like God intervened in his life and, not willing to ignore it or pass it off as coincidence, he decides to change his murdering ways. “I’m trying real hard here, Ringo.” And, though we never see what happens to him, we do witness what happens to his partner (John Travolta), who did pass the intervention off as a coincidence. Jackson’s character is the only one on this list who changed his ways. Because of that he deserves our respect, and is possibly even more bad-ass because of it.

8

John Doe

Se7ven

The movie Se7ven is disturbing, frightening, dark and melancholy. And the scope of what John Doe does is jaw-dropping. A lot of serial killers brag about numbers, or trophies, or the pain they’ve caused. A lot of serial killers kill for no reason except to cause pain, but they have no vision beyond the murders; they are ends in themselves. But all of John Doe’s murders (even his own) were means to an end.

His immense scope and patience and time-in would be respectable if, say, he were doing research on cancer, or studying ancient cultures, but he’s a killer. Not just a killer—a monster. The most sadistic, depraved, frightening, intelligent monster ever shot on screen. What Hannibal Lecter did was peanuts compared to John Doe. While he only committed six murders, and never once on screen, and appeared in the film for only fifteen or twenty minutes he still remains one of the grittiest, most visceral sadists every conceived.

7

Vic Vega

(Mr. Blonde), Reservoir Dogs

Vic Vega is the smoothest, most reserved psychopath ever shot on camera. Before he ever comes on screen, Mr. White and Mr. Pink create a myth of his actions in the foiled bank robbery. They imply that he’s an unhinged, psycho-deviant, without any self-control. But, when he finally arrives at the warehouse sipping soda out of a straw (what is Tarantino’s deal with food and violence), he’s the epitome of cool and calm. He stands up to the most bad-ass actor of all time: Harvey Keitel. “Are you gonna bark all day, little doggy, or are you gonna bite?”

He’s in bewilderment that Mr. White and Mr. Pink are giving him a hard time for assassinating a few expendable hostages. His calm presence makes Mr. White and Mr. Pink look like two little school-girls at their first dance. On reflection, Mr. Blonde makes every other person in this entire movie look like whiny little school-girls (besides, maybe, Joe the ringleader of the whole thing, and his son).

We feel bad for the cop getting his ear cut off—for his family—for staring into the face of a real-life psychopath, who couldn’t care less if he knows anything—just wants to torture him because he enjoys it, but damnit, it’s still one of the coolest scenes in all of cinema. Thank you Mr. Blonde.

6

Daniel Plainview

There will be Blood

As the title of the movie suggests, there was blood, and it was Daniel Plainview who spilt it. He’s a self-proclaimed oil man, with a menacing mustache, dark beady eyes and a stubborn limp—he drags around his leg as if it were an albatross he’s been cursed to carry. He’s stubborn and impatient; he’s an alcoholic, a self-made millionaire and father to his creepy little son. And he murders exactly two people in this movie. The first, a vagabond who made the mistake of impersonating his brother, and the second the whiny, creepy preacher, Eli Sunday, who is the only character in the movie as unhappy and misguided as Plainview.

Plainview works his whole life to build an empire, and then when he’s sitting on it he has no idea what to do with himself. He uses everything at his disposal to advance himself, but what he’s really doing is taking steps backwards, toward depravity.

He is on this list, because he’s empathetic. A lot of people really do just care about themselves. A lot of people in the world really are not good people. He hates other people, but he genuinely wants one person to whom he can relate. His son is this person, until he goes deaf in a drilling accident, and becomes unreachable to someone as impatient as Plainview. He then meets someone he believes to be his long-lost brother, and he opens up—let’s himself be vulnerable, until he finds out that it’s not his brother at all—just some drifter who wanted to cash in on his fortune. He murders him, and tries to reconnect with his son, but it’s too late.

He’s lost. He becomes exceptionally lonely, and drowns himself in decadence and alcohol in his mansion. Then he murders Eli Sunday, because he’s a slimy little weasel, yes, and he has nothing to live for, but, fundamentally, because he sees himself in Sunday. And he hates himself more than anything else in the entire world.

Note: The abruptness and finality of Eli’s murder in this movie is shocking, and unexpected. It really can be that easy to murder someone. It really can just happen when we least expect it.

5

Tommy DeVito

Goodfellas

Coming in at around 5’4’’, Joe Pesci plays the ultimate bad-ass in this Scorsese film. Whether he’s stabbing someone in the chest with a pen or shooting an innocent waiter to death for a mild insult, nobody ever willingly crosses Tommy Devito. He’s ruthless, dangerous, prone to violent outbursts, has severe anger issues and can kill people who cross him with any object that happens to be lying around. Basically he’s a psychotic, murderous Mafioso.

But he still functions. He has beautiful girlfriends, and cool friends, and he’s rich. Not to mention, he’s entertaining as hell to watch. He’s somebody who would be cool to hang out with, if there wasn’t a substantial chance he would stab you to death in the face. He kills because he enjoys it. But at least he’s honest.

More than any other person on this list, Tommy possesses undeniable charisma. After murdering a made guy by stabbing him in the chest with a pen, and then later a knife in his trunk, he goes and eats pasta at his sweet mother’s house with his friends, laughing and drinking like nothing happened. The scariest thing about Tommy is that he might not even be insane. He just doesn’t care. He’ll shoot you, or stab your sister, for one slip of tact. But he’s still a funny guy. (“What do you mean I’m funny? What like a clown? What I’m a clown?”)

Even though he got what was coming to him in the end, and was extremely unstable, we all still kind of wished that Tommy was getting made in his last scene instead of getting whacked.

4

Karl Childers

Sling Blade

Another unforgettable movie. While most of the characters on this list are cold-blooded murders, without any morals or empathy, Karl Childers is not one of them (even though he does eat his dinner of french fried ‘petaters’ on a table not three meters from where he just clobbered someone over the head with a lawnmower blade).

In Billy Bob Thornton’s directorial debut, Karl Childers is a semi-retarded inmate being let go from a mental hospital in the South, decades after killing his mother with a sling blade (some people call it a Kaiser blade). Days later he befriends a slow, father-less young boy, who quickly convinces his loving, but submissive, mother to let Karl live in their garage. This sounds like a simple movie, and inherently it is, but it remains one of the sweetest, most uplifting, most genuine movies ever made. Thorton’s character has been the butt of countless jokes, impersonations and even a mock movie, but he rode it all the way to the upper echelons of Hollywood.

There is no doubt in my mind that Karl is the most harmless character to ever murder two people using long, sharp objects. He’s sweet, and has the mental capacity of his slow 12-year-old friend, and so cannot be anything but honest about what he sees, does, witnesses…etc. Before murdering the abusive step-father character, Doyle (portrayed exceptionally well by country singer Dwight Yokam), with a lawnmower blade, he asks him what numbers to dial for the police. Then when Doyle asks him why he wants to know he says, “I reckon I’m gonna kill you with this here lawnmower blade.”

That last scene pretty much sums up the entire mood of the movie. A simpleton, abused by his parents, who sees the same thing happening to the boy he loves more than the world itself, and who will not allow it. This movie would be funny, if it wasn’t so heart-wrenching, to watch this simple, kind man let out into a world that’s too big for him to comprehend.

Note: Dwight Yokam’s character, Doyle, would also definitely earn a spot on the top ten people in a movie that you want to get brutally murdered.

3

Mickey and Mallory Knox

Natural Born Killers

They’re cool, casual, confident and hot. They’re funny and obnoxious and unhinged. They’re the sexiest serial killers in the world. Say hello to Mickey and Mallory Knox.

Oliver Stone got a lot of heat for making this movie. And more than one psychotic couple has cited this movie as the inspiration for their own shooting spree. John Grisham tried to sue Oliver Stone for inciting violence. Quentin Tarantino wrote the script and then removed his name entirely from the film, which I don’t understand, because I’m not sure that Tarantino could have made this movie any better, himself.

A lot of people think this movie promotes senseless violence, but I disagree, wholeheartedly. This movie is a social commentary on the United States: the media and the phoniness stuffed down our throats at every turn. Are Mickey and Mallory psychotic? Yes. Are they evil? Maybe. But they weren’t born psychotic and evil. Stone tries to make it very clear that they are products of their environment.

Neither of them were killers when they met. But there is something about their love that sparks their endless killing spree. The first time Mickey kills is to protect Mallory—who symbolizes natural love. Then something is unleashed. “You’re free, Kevin.” They go on a rampage, killing people because at least murder is something real. And while they kill randomly, without remorse or empathy, all the other main characters in the film are worse.

The cop chasing them is just as psychotic as they are, the warden is a masochistic sociopath, and the journalist (Robert Downey Jr.) is a phony who represents everything wrong with America. The journalist is worse because, even though he doesn’t have blood on his hands (at least before the ending), he represents something more damaging and irreparable. He’s perpetuating the tenets of mindless passivity—to just put filler out for the lost generation out in T.V. land to sit back and watch.

In contrast to Robert Downey Jr’s phony character, is the Native American shaman who tries to help Mickey and Mallory, and who was not a part of the society that created and shunned them. Because of this polar separation from American society, he represents the only purity in this movie. It’s important to note that this is the only victim Mickey and Mallory regret killing, and that his murder was unintentional.

They eventually slay Robert Downey Jr’s character at the end of the movie, even though he helped them escape and had an “epiphany,” which was just as fake as everything else he represented. And maybe, just maybe, you could perceive Mickey and Mallory as agents of rightful retribution, wiping out all the fakeness they see around them, because there’s no other solution. Or maybe they’re just insane.

2

Anton Chigurh

No Country for Old Men

No Country for Old Men is a masterpiece. It’s easily one of the best movies made in the last ten years. And while the two other male leads in this movie played their roles so well that I found myself gripping (literally gripping) the theatre seats in anticipation of the ending, what truly makes this movie stand out as one of the best of all time is Javiar Bardem’s character: Anton Chigurh.

He’s a vicious, cold-blooded psychopath with a bad haircut who murders everything in his path on his way from point A to point B. On the surface it might appear that he’s after money, or that he enjoys killing, but he’s really just an avenger, avenging every mistake ever made on earth. He doesn’t care whether or not his victims are specifically responsible. He’s not a cause, but a byproduct of the new evilness hinted at by the sheriff and the title of the film. He’s the embodiment of retribution and death, killing the majority of people who have the misfortune to cross his path.

He kills out of some purpose we aren’t ever shown, and has morals that we can sense but can’t really imagine. But while his other-worldliness should create a distance between himself and the audience, it is contrasted by these regular human actions, like eating a bag of peanuts while he’s deciding whether or not to kill an innocent (or is he only innocent by how we see things?), gas-station owner, or drinking a bottle of milk inside Llewelyn’s trailer, Into which he has just broken to murder everyone inside. He is human, which we can forget. He can be hurt. He gets shot and he bleeds and cringes and limps just like anyone else would. He’s not from another planet.

And he’s comedic in some way only the Cohen Brothers could have invented: this dry, matter-of-fact, awkwardly candid, honest humor that’s so bewildering and hypnotizing that we’re not even sure if it’s funny, or even whether it was meant to be. It’s this contrast that makes him so accessible. Not to mention he’s super bad-ass, self-sufficient, intelligent, cool, and he uses probably the most bad-ass weapon in any movie, ever.

1

Dr. Hannibal Lecter

The Hannibal Trilogy

Of course Dr. Lecter had to be #1 on this list. Throughout three movies he dazzled us with his charm and wit. In Silence of the Lambs, we heard about his vile crimes before we ever met the man. And, at first, we might have believed that Hannibal was just a kindly old man, trapped in a brick cell for crimes that sounded a little too exaggerated. But very soon we see that isn’t the case at all. His creepiness and power are cerebral. Within minutes of meeting her he puts dainty Clarice Starling on her psychological ass (“You know what you look like to me with you good bag and your cheap shoes, you look like a rube”) His murders are some of the most violent, and yet he remains sophisticated and respectable, no matter how deranged his actions. Not only does he have a svelte, hypnotic voice that manipulates victims and other serial killers alike, he is also the most intelligent and classy serial killer we’ve ever met.

While Mickey and Mallory Knox might dine on some greasy breakfast food at a truck-stop, our dear Hannibal requires nothing less than the finest caviar and Chianti to be found anywhere in the world. Whether cutting off guard’s faces, feeding an out-of-tune violinist to a table of aristocrats, getting one of his patients to cut off his own face and feed it to his dogs, or biting off a nurse’s tongue while his heartbeat remains under 85 beats a minute, Dr. Lecter remains a true gentleman to the end, not killing good people unless he has to, and cutting off his own hand instead of Clarice’s—his muse—when push comes to shove.

And just as we can see the progression of affection our dear Clarice feels for this man (although she would never admit it) we, too, become paralyzed by his charm, even knowing all that we know. Detective Will Graham called him insane, and he probably is—must be—but a part of all Hannibal’s fans realize how thin the line between genius and insanity really is.

Honorable Mentions: Leon (The Professional), Ryan Gosling (Murder By Numbers), Travis Bickle (Taxi Driver), Dennis Hopper (Out of the Blue and Blue Velvet), Benicio Del Toro (21 grams).

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Top 10 Fictional Male Charmers

It’s not uncommon to find a fictional character, whether in literature, television or film, that has that certain alluring spark in his smile. He’s smooth, sophisticated, and always knows the right thing to say. And sadly, for many of us, we’ve fallen victim to his charisma. What is it about these guys that make men jealous and women weak at the knees? We’re exploring that today in our list of the top ten fictional charming men.

10

Sir Lancelot

Who is He: Sir Lancelot is one of the most celebrated knights of King Arthur’s Round Table. Now, it’s still unclear whether Lancelot was a real man or simply based on someone, but he does live abundantly through literature as a valiant and athletic hero in Arthurian legends. He and his fellow knights traveled across the lands on adventures that tested their courage, strengths and wits. Did we mention many of those stories involved damsels in distress?

How Charming is He: Most famously, Lancelot had an affair with Queen Guinevere, who was said to be one of the most beautiful women. His appeal was just too much for the married queen to handle. However, she wasn’t the only one that caught his attention. Young virgin damsels were often depicted fawning for him because he was dashing, youthful and, in many ways, perfect. Everything about him attracted women and kept his peers riddled with jealousy and admiration. In the famous poem “The Lady of Shalott” by Alfred Tennyson, she was so taken back by Lancelot that she brings on her own curse to follow him to Camelot, resulting in her death.

9

Han Solo

Who is He: If you don’t already know, you’ve been living under a rock in a galaxy far, far away. Han Solo is a mercenary from the film trilogy Star Wars. He was played by Harrison Ford, portrayed as a polar opposite of protagonist, Luke Skywalker. Han lives by his own rules, looks out for his own interests, and doesn’t give a damn if Chewbacca is shedding all over your seat. He’s Han Solo, baby and he shot first!

How Charming is He: As a rogue, Han’s charm isn’t similar to the rest of the men in our list. He’s in your face, challenging and self-serving for a good portion of the films. It’s only under the rugged exterior that the audience see the sweet, cool and bewitching aspect of the once lone wolf smuggler. In the ultimate example of his aloof slickness, Princess Leia professes her love for him and all Han has to say in response is, “I know,” and yet we still love him.

Similar Charmers: Action-adventure heroes Indiana Jones (also played by Harrison Ford) and Captain Jack Sparrow from the Pirates of the Caribbean film trilogy, played by Johnny Depp.

8

Dorian Gray

Who is He: He was the protagonist of Oscar Wilde’s novel, The Picture of Dorian Gray. He’s a man whose beauty was breathtaking, and one of the most famous examples of Adonis-like perfection in all of literature. The novel itself is a study of man’s quest for beauty and his desire for superficial excellence, demonstrated through Dorian’s wish to keep his physical appearance untainted while his portrait ages and deteriorates. Thus, his sins and transgressions never blemish his perfection, in exchange for his soul.

How Charming is He: While Dorian’s plan fails him in the end, he is still a famous charmer. Men became infatuated with his handsomeness, if only curious as to how Dorian seemed ageless, and women were unable to resist succumbing to his charms. In fact, he got every lady he desired, and broke their heart soon after. That’s just one of the perk of being the most beautiful man in literature.

Similar Charmer: Tom Jones from The History of Tom Jones, a Foundling by novelist Henry Fielding.

7

Ferris Bueller

Who is He: Ferris is the lead in the 1986 film, Ferris Bueller’s Day Off. This fourth-wall breaking character takes the day off from school to spend time in the city with his friends, while avoiding all chances of getting caught. This leads them through fun, exciting adventures as they push their luck with every new and surprising situation. Ferris, the leader and the brains behind their rowdy antics, barely keeps them out of trouble, but managed to pull off the perfect day without suffering any parental repercussions.

How Charming is He: One of the big reasons Ferris gets away with his victimless crime is his charm. He’s the cool kid in school, the kind that always seems to have a good time. He knows how to get in trouble, and how to get out of it in style. As said in the film, “Oh, he’s very popular, Ed. The sportos, the motorheads, geeks, sluts, bloods, wastoids, dweebies, dickheads – they all adore him. They think he’s a righteous dude.”

6

Count Dracula

Who is He: Count Dracula was the protagonist of Bram Stoker’s novel, Dracula. The character was based on Romanian general Vlad the Impaler, notably remembered for the cruel punishments he ordered on his enemies. Count Dracula’s notoriety surpassed the written word when he was adapted into films and television, making him one of the most famous villains, and the greatest vampire of all time (you heard me, Twihards). This powerful, enigmatic figure has been the subject of many interpretations, and still captures the interests of audiences today.

How Charming is He: For a second, look past the fact that he’s undead, he’s creepy and that he likes to drink your blood. When you study the rest of Dracula, you come to realize he’s actually a charmer (though some of you might argue he’s as charming as a snake). He possesses hypnotic eyes and mind controlling abilities, but more than that, he’s charismatic and worldly. Here’s this sophisticated being that lives like royalty, and treats his guest as such… until it’s dinner time, of course.

Similar Charmer: Patrick Bateman, from Bret Easton Ellis’s novel, American Psycho. Patrick is another dangerous and creepy character who might not traditionally be seen as a charmer, but he is when you look beyond the murder. And necrophilia. And cannibalism. No, really. He’s charming.

5

Jay Gatsby

Who is He: Jay Gatsby is a literary character from F. Scott Fitzgerald’s novel, The Great Gatsby. He’s a self made man living in the U.S. during the Jazz Age. It’s through the course of the novel that readers learn Jay earned his money through bootlegging during Prohibition, when alcohol was banned. The once former poor man is now one of the most beloved socialites of his time. He hopes his wealth and power would win the heart of Daisy, a married rich woman he has loved for years.

How Charming is He: Though his heart is set on Daisy, Jay takes all opportunities to be a good host to every one of his guests (particularly the women). He is a neat dresser, polite, fun and equipped with natural good looks. Jay is the hit of every party, and the talk of the town among the rich and powerful. Both envied and desired, Jay is often thought to be the quintessential American icon.

4

Rhett Butler

Who is He: Rhett is one of the main protagonists in Margaret Mitchell’s novel, Gone with the Wind. Clark Gable’s film portrayal brought the character to life in the 1939 movie by the same name. Rhett was considered a pariah amongst the Confederate South during the U.S.’s Civil War years. He ends up falling in love with protagonist Scarlett O’Hara, despite the fact that her heart belongs to someone else.

How Charming is He: What made Rhett different from the men around him was his experience, and sophisticated understanding of human nature. He was one of the few that appeared to be involved with the Confederate South, but still able to see it from an outsider’s perspective (ultimately keeping his distance at all times). Even as a black sheep, he was accepted by his associates for his charming ways and educated ideas. There’s just something about the mustache and smile they couldn’t seem to ignore.

Similar Charmer: Bugs Bunny. The animated rabbit is actually based on Clark Gable.

3

Mr. Darcy

Who is He: From Jane Austen’s Pride and Prejudice, Mr. Fitzwilliam Darcy is not, at first, a charming man. He was respected by his peers for his fortune and demeanor, even if he believed himself superior to them, and acted with feigned modesty. It wasn’t until the woman he’s attracted to denied his marriage proposal that Mr. Darcy changed for the better. He saved her family from social disgrace, and redeemed himself by proving his arrogance was merely a facade.

How Charming is He: Mr. Darcy is a fangirl’s dream. He’s handsome, rich and English (it’s the accent). Most of all, he’s not just a good-looking guy. Once his perspective was changed, he became a gentleman who truly cared about others, especially Elizabeth, and who goes out of his way to validate his sincerity. There are many female readers that would openly admit to crushing on Mr. Darcy for these reasons.

2

Don Juan

Who is He: This fictional character is mostly known as a libertine, a person who disregards social norms and embodies what’s understood as loathsome and undesirable. Don Juan has been written about in a variety of stories, plays and poems but is consistently portrayed as a womanizer.

How Charming is He: There isn’t much explanation needed here. The name Don Juan itself has become a term meaning “ladies’ man.” Some of the stories glorify his actions, personifying him as a hero and revolutionary for embracing his sexuality, while other stories condemn him and his behavior as a warning to future and potential Don Juans. Either way, his charm can’t be matched easily by just any other man.

1

James Bond

Who is He: Secret Agent 007 was created by journalist Ian Fleming, and was featured in several of his novels. The character became a household name when he made the transition in to films (22 in total). These action movies were filled with dangerous car chases, explosions and beautiful women. Does any of that phase James Bond? Not likely.

How Charming is He: Bond can charm the pants off you. He is the epitome of cool, too. 007 only drives the most luxurious of cars, wears the sleekest of suits, and packs the kind of weapons and secret agent tools that make our most valued piece of technology look like a plaything. Villains hate him for his skill, women love him for his attitude and audiences adore him for his charms.

Similar Charmer: Movie character Austin Powers, who was based on James Bond.

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Top 10 Significant Explorers of China

With a landmass of 9.6 million square kilometers, and the most eclectic geographic terrain in any continent on Earth, China is decidedly history’s least explored nation. This inaccessibility is further compounded by a staunchly self-isolated people, making the Chinese amongst the world’s most mysterious, and least understood, cultures. Who, then, amongst either the Chinese themselves or visiting foreigners (waiguoren), have ever, in China’s 5,000 year-old civilization, had the wherewithal and the sheer determination to explore this incomprehensible vastness?

10

Jorge Alvares

The Spanish and the British have blazed an indelible trail across the oceans of time, but the Portuguese are also to be commended for their groundbreaking world explorations, including being the first Europeans to land in China. The island of Macau was, and is still, a Portuguese enclave off the coast of South China, a result of Jorge Alvares’ 16th century trade expeditions in China.

9

Fa Xian

In the year 399, Chinese Buddhist monk Fa Xian departed on what would be a decade-long pilgrimage from China to Nepal to India and Sri Lanka, in search of holy scriptures. He documented his epic experiences in the rather long-titled book, “A Record of Buddhistic Kingdoms Being an Account by the Chinese Monk Fa-Hien of his Travels in India and Ceylon in Search of the Buddhist Books of Discipline.”

8

Joseph Rock

A botanist with a taste for wanderlust, Joseph Rock spent over 20 years traveling and living amongst the indigenous tribes of West China. Beginning in 1920, Rock toured Tibet, Yunnan and Sichuan provinces, studying and discovering. To fund his travels he wrote articles about China for National Geographic. As a result of his efforts, Rock had flowers and mountains named after him, and was the inspiration for author James Hilton’s now universal term “Shangri-la.”

7

Sir Robert Hart

Robert Hart, a British military officer, arrived in mid-19th century China just as rebellion was seizing the crumbling empire, both from within and from the outside. Hart was eventually promoted to Inspector General of Chinese Customs and, in time, an advisor to the Manchurian court. Hart did not leave China again for the next fifty years! For his support of the Qing Dynasty, he was knighted by England and has come to be recognized as the most famous foreigner in Chinese history.

6

Gan Ying

Chinese military ambassador Gan Ying was dispatched in 97 AD to Rome, to report on that empire’s customs and military practices. Gan never actually reached Rome, due to obstacles set up by Middle Eastern rivals, but his journey as far as the Persian Gulf, a new record for the Chinese, helped later dynasties prepare for future expeditions.

5

Tom Carter

Records are meant to be broken, and that’s what American travel photographer Tom Carter inadvertently did in 2006, when he went exploring all 33 provinces in China. 2 years and 56,000 kilometers of road later, Carter became the only foreigner in China’s history to cover this much ground. He documented everything he saw in his book “CHINA: Portrait of a People,” considered the most comprehensive book of photography on modern China ever published by a single author.

4

Kublai Khan

Grandson of the notorious Genghis Khan, Kublai ruled the Mongols for over 30 years, and, in doing so, helped make it the largest and longest-running empire in the history of the world. The Fifth Great Khan, as he was known, was also the first non-Chinese to rule all of China, which he succeeded in doing on horseback, through a series of bloody 13th century battles. Marco Polo, who shares this list, befriended Kublai at this same time, and was said to have played a part in the Mongolian’s conquest of the Chinese.

3

Mao Zedong

The reason that the “Great Helmsman” does not top this list is because, quite frankly, for all his fame and notoriety, Mao was more of a destroyer rather than explorer. Certainly his infamous 20th century ‘Long March’ across western China was brave (if you can call a cowardly military retreat brave). However, historians show that the future Communist Party chairman never actually “marched,” but rather, had slaves carry him in a sedan chair until they dropped dead from exhaustion. Still, Mao did manage to break new ground, and for that he gets the Number 3 slot.

2

Marco Polo

What list about Chinese exploration would be complete without this household name? Never mind that scholars are debating whether, in fact, Polo ever actually landed in China, as he boasts in his memoirs “The Travels of Marco Polo.” The indisputable fact is that, in the 14th century, this Venetian (now part of Italy) and his mercantile family helped to establish the overland Silk Road trading route between Europe and Asia, that would forever change the face of history.

1

Xuan Zang

This highly venerated Chinese Buddhist monk is credited for introducing Chinese culture to India, and vice versa. In the year 629, Xuanzang set out on a massive overland journey by foot across China, Central Asia and India, with the objective of compiling religious scriptures from those regions. He returned to China in 645 with a wealth of information about those, heretofore unknown, lands. Xuanzang has been immortalized in “Journey to the West,” China’s most famous book (and on-going television series).

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Top 10 Greatest Empires In History

The definition of an empire is: when a single entity has supreme rule and power over a vast area of territory, which consists of peoples of different ethnicity and nationality. This list is based on the influence, longevity and power of the various empires, and, as you will see, it contains at least one or two entries that may strike some as controversial. My one requirement for this list is that the empire must have been ruled – for at least a majority of the time – by an emperor or king. This excludes modern so-called empires such as the United States and Soviet Union. The entries here are listed roughly by influence and size.

10

Ottoman Empire

At the height of its power (16th–17th century), the Ottoman Empire spanned three continents, controlling much of Southeastern Europe, Western Asia and North Africa. It contained 29 provinces and numerous vassal states, some of which were later absorbed into the empire, while others were granted various types of autonomy during the course of centuries. The empire was at the center of interactions between the Eastern and Western worlds for six centuries. With Constantinople as its capital city, and vast control of lands around the eastern Mediterranean during the reign of Suleiman the Magnificent (ruled 1520 to 1566), the Ottoman Empire was, in many respects, an Islamic successor to the Eastern Roman (Byzantine) Empire.

9

Umayyad Caliphate

The Umayyad Caliphate was the second of the four Islamic caliphates (systems of governance), established after the death of Mohammed. It was ruled by the Umayyad dynasty, whose name derives from Umayya ibn Abd Shams, the great-grandfather of the first Umayyad caliph. Although the Umayyad family originally came from the city of Mecca, Damascus was the capital of their Caliphate. Eventually, it would cover more than five million square miles, making it the largest empire the world had yet seen, and the fifth largest contiguous empire ever to exist. The Umayyads established the largest Arab-Muslim state in history. From the time of Mohammed until 1924, successive and contemporary caliphates were held by various dynasties – the last being the Ottoman Empire (above).

8

Persian Empire

or Achaemenid Empire

Babylonian, Akkadians, Assyrians, Sumerians, Hitites, Bactrians, Scythians, Parthians, Medes, Elamites, Egyptians, Ethiopians… Before the Romans, there were the Persians. They basically unified the whole of Central Asia which consisted of a lot of different cultures, kingdoms, empires and tribes. It was the largest empire in ancient history. At the height of its power, the empire encompassed approximately 8 million km2. The empire was forged by Cyrus the Great, and spanned three continents: Asia, Africa and Europe.

7

Byzantine Empire

The Byzantine Empire, or Eastern Roman Empire, was the Roman Empire during the Middle Ages, centered on the capital of Constantinople, and ruled by emperors in direct succession to the ancient Roman emperors. It was called the Roman Empire, and also Romania. During its existence, of over a thousand years, the Empire remained one of the most powerful economic, cultural and military forces in Europe, despite setbacks and territorial losses, especially during the Roman–Persian and Byzantine–Arab Wars. The Empire received a mortal blow in 1204 by the Fourth Crusade, when it was dissolved and divided into competing Byzantine Greek and Latin realms. Despite the eventual recovery of Constantinople and re-establishment of the Empire in 1261, under the Palaiologan emperors, successive civil wars in the fourteenth century further sapped the Empire’s strength.

6

Han Dynasty

During the Chinese period of warring states, the whole of China was embroiled in a civil war as the different kingdoms within it battled it out with each other in the quest for supremacy. In the end, the Qin State won, and gobbled up the whole of China, with 40 million people under it’s control. The Qin Dynasty didn’t last long, and soon it went to the Han, which eventually controlled China for close to 400 years. The period of the Han Dynasty is considered a golden age in Chinese history in terms of scientific achievement, technological advance, economic, cultural and political stability. Even to this day, most Chinese people refer to themselves as the Han people. Today, the “Han people” is considered the largest single ethnic group in the world.

5

British Empire

At it’s greatest extent, the British empire was known as the largest empire in history, as it covered more than 13,000,000 square miles, which is approximately a quarter of the Earth’s total land area, and controlled more than 500 million people – again a quarter of the world’s population. As a result, the legacy it imprinted on these conquered lands is tremendous in terms of political reform, cultural exchanges and way of life. The English language, which it spread, is the second most-widely spoken language in the world today, and many linguistics agree that English is the defacto standard language of the world. The British empire is definitely one of the most influential empires ever to have existed in human history.

4

Holy Roman Empire

During the middle ages, they were considered the “superpower” of their time. At it’s height, the Holy Roman Empire consisted of eastern France, all of Germany, northern Italy and parts of western Poland. Despite being relatively small in terms of Empires, its influence on the history of central Europe is still felt today. Incredibly the Empire lasted from the early middle ages ages to the 19th century. The Empire was formally dissolved on 6 August 1806 when the last Holy Roman Emperor, Francis II (later Francis I of Austria), abdicated following a military defeat by the French under Napoleon. Upon its collapse, the following nations emerged: Switzerland, Holland, the Austrian Empire, Belgium, the Prussian Empire, Principality of Liechtenstein, Confederation of the Rhine and the first French Empire.

3

The Russian Empire

The Russian Empire was a state that existed from 1721 until the Russian Revolution of 1917. It was the successor to the Tsardom of Russia, and the predecessor of the Soviet Union. It was the second largest contiguous empire in world history, surpassed only by the Mongol Empire, and the third largest empire behind the British Empire and the Mongol Empire. At one point in 1866, it stretched from eastern Europe, across Asia, and into North America.

2

Mongol Empire

It all started when Temujin (who was later known as Genghis Khan), vowed in his youth to bring the world to his feet. He almost did. His first act was unifying the scattered Mongolian tribes. Then he set his sight on China, and the rest is history. From Vietnam to Hungary, the Mongol Empire is the largest contiguous empire in the history of mankind. Unfortunately for them, their empire was too big to be controlled, and there was no unity among the different cultures. The Mongols were fearless and ruthless fighters, but had little experience in administration. The image of the mongols as a brutal and savage people is renowned through history.

1

Roman Empire

At first they were ruled by divine kings, then they became a republic (perhaps their greatest period) before finally becoming an empire. How a group of farmers, who started off fending wolves to protect their livestock, eventually became the greatest empire in all history is the stuff of legends. Coupled with an excellent military and administrative system, the Roman Empire, or rather ancient Rome, is also one of the longest-lasting. Counting from its founding to the fall of the Byzantine empire, ancient Rome lasted for a whopping 2,214 years!

Ancient Rome contributed greatly to the development of law, war, art, literature, architecture, technology, religion and language in the Western world. In fact many historians consider the Roman Empire to be a perfect empire – influential, fair, long-lasting, big, well defended and economically advanced. The influence of the Roman Empire is felt to this day, if for no other reason than the influence on the Catholic Church, which took much of its administrative nous and pageantry from it.

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